some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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