I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
