On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
