Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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