just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
