i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
