I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it glows. i had to have it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
