I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
