It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
