you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
