just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
