I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
