Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
