I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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