I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
