Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
