I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
