Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
