I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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