I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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