It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
