Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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