I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
