I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
