i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
