We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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