she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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