Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
