the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
