i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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