Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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