There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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