good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
