Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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