yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it because I queefed?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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