Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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