But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You took a bar mat shot.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
