I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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