she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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