You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
