my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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