Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
