I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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