Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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