that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
