My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
