Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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