He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
