I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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