im six kinds of drunk right now
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sex in a hospital.. check
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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