yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
