What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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