I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
