either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
