Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
