Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im holly from the hills drunk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
