remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
