This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
