i just wanna soil my oats bro
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
