i just wanna soil my oats bro
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
