life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
