Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
