the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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