A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
