dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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