I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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