if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
