oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
