Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
